I just dumped a tablespoon of Nutella in my homemade latte. Try it, you’ll thank me. It’s delicious, I swear. Besides from snacking a lot, playing online, and applying for work, not having a job leaves you lots of time to reflect. Combine that with a recent milestone birthday and that’s all I seem to be doing these days. With turning 30 came a lot of thinking about my life, all the journeys I’ve been through. My journeys took me to many places. Left New York behind and went away for college. Once there I made some of the most amazing friends. I am thankful everyday for having them. These women became my family. They are the ones I miss talking to on a regular basis. They listen to me moan (one of my favorite past times when I think too much) and show me things about myself that I often am blind to. So it was on my birthday, just like that *snaps fingers* I really started to think about the journey of motherhood. I do want to have a child, no longer an ‘if’. But when is the question. If G and I decide to have a child while we’re abroad I’m afraid that my girlfriends won’t be as involved in our growing family and that makes me sad. I would love to have them to join us in that new journey, you know.
Raising a child away from friends and family would be really difficult. But the appeal of raising a baby in a big city is so strong. It’s hard for me to put into words how wonderful it was being raised in New York City was: the museums, the theater, the dance performances, trips to the park/aquarium/Coney Island. And I experienced that through school, mind you. It’s great fun to learn about a subject and actually go see what you learned about: Ellis Island, Carnegie Hall, tenement housing, Lucy (no longer) the Missing Link! Great, great stuff. So it’s only naturally that I want the same for our future child. The thing is, I am not sure if I want to experience motherhood away from friends and family. Seems like it would be too lonely. But then again, I experienced my most major events away from friends or family: college in Virginia, graduate school in London, living in Texas. I moved to all three cities sight unseen so maybe motherhood wouldn’t be that different. I made friends once I arrived at those places so surely I will once I become a mom, right? And my besties will visit us, surely. Our future baby will have tias/aunties everywhere.
The benefits to have children here are plentiful: free health care, up to a year long maternity (for when I finally get that J.O.B.) leave, paternity leave, and seeing babies that would look like ours! I get so goddamn happy when I see interracial couples here. I lived in NYC for 18 years and didn’t start seeing them more commonly until I went back to visit in my 20s. Was I not as aware of them? Maybe. Maybe they were all in Manhattan? Who knows. Interracial couples are popping up more at home but it’s nothing like it is here. I see all these beautiful curly-haired café con leche babies all around the city and my insides get all warm and gooey. If we have a child here they would look like other kids and that idea fills me with a sense of calmness.
I love Austin with all my heart. My heart is still there. Austin is where we want to return to. But for now, if we decide to have a baby here, I can have that city mommy life I always imagined when I was younger. Even if it is short lived. We won’t stay in London forever but I’d love to be wrap my baby to my bosom and take it to all the museums, parks and sites while there’s time. Sure, he or she won’t remember but I will.