We like kids…

…but we’d prefer if you came to our wedding without them.

Now how can I politely get this through to family and friends who are traveling to attend our wedding? We are on a budget and have to pay per person for dinner. Do you bite the bullet and go over budget to pay for plates for children who more than likely won’t eat a full meal? Live with the fear that one will act out as you say your vows?

Frankly, I’m not close to any of the children in my family (a result from not living near them) so I don’t know how they will behave in public. And that worries me.

This entry was published on 20/07/2009 at 6:36 AM. It’s filed under Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

5 thoughts on “We like kids…

  1. Roberta on said:

    Yep. We had to deal with this one, too. Unfortunately, our family initially turned on us and one person in particular was a royal ass. He basically called our friends and told them that we are not allowing kids then called us later to tell us that we were ruining it for everyone.

    Luckily, this happened months ahead of time. Everyone who was going to get pissed, burned through it (which for the most part were people who didn’t even have kids!) and was fine by the time the wedding happened. Etiquette says that only the names on the envelope are officially invited, but you know what? Etiquette only works if everyone knows it and follows it.

    After the fiasco I mentioned, we were able to call our guests with kids (as we’d originally planned) and let them know that we are having an adult ceremony and reception and although we love your kids, we really appreciate and are grateful for you making other arrangements for them. Not a single parent seemed offended and when it was far too difficult for them to arrange a sitter, we did say, that if given a choice, we would rather them bring the kids and celebrate our day with us. A few people did bring their kids, but it was far less than what it could have been.

    We totally understand this situation. It was so tough for us, but in the end, it’s your day. Do what is right for you guys and know that your guests love you and most people will understand as long as they know ahead of time and if you respect whatever sacrifice they have to make to not bring the little ones. In fact, many parents are relieved to be enjoy themselves without the kiddos.

    Whatever you decide, good luck!

    • mujerboricua on said:

      I hear ya on that whole etiquette thing. How are people outside of the wedding bubble suppose to know the rules?

      I think we might try spreading the word that our reception is adult-only. If it doesn’t work then we’ll have to start making some phone calls. Ugh. I hate feeling like a baddie but the no-kid thing is something we want and hopefully people will respect that.

      Thanks for the insight Roberta!

  2. Trish on said:

    If it were up to me alone there would be NO kids invited to either the ceremony or the reception – but alas, it is not. SOooooo, we have agreed only to invite kids of family and not kids of friends. We plan to print the names of those invited on the RSVP along with “X seats have been reserved for the above guests.” just to make it as clear as possible and not allowing for any write ins.

    In your case with no children I would simply add to the invite, reception card and RSVP that it is an ‘Adult Ceremony & Reception’. I think that plus not writing the kids names anywhere on the envelope/s will suffice.

  3. Maria on said:

    (Don’t you love that I am reading this a month after you popsted it? I love your blog).

    Like you point out, those outside the wedding bubble can’t be all trusted to follow ettiquette. So, besides mentioneing our “adult ceremony and reception” thing on the website FAQ’s section:
    {{M and J request that guests take the wedding as an opportunity to enjoy a formal, adult night out. Parents are encouraged to make arrangements so they can be treated to a “date night.” }}
    On top of that, just to make sure they all got the message, we included a business-size card that stated 2 points:
    *Black tie
    *Adult ceremony and reception

    Not one of our guests protested (not to us anyway, who knows what they said to others!) and none brought a child.

    Word of mouth is also a good measure.

    Best of luck!

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