All grown up.

Do you ever wish time would stop so you could sort your wits out?  I do all the time lately.  I’m not the person I imagined myself to be when I was a fourteen year old girl living in Brooklyn.  I used to imagine myself working for Haper Collins, or some other publishing giant.  Funny how you can let yourself get comfortable in a job and forget all about the career you had dreamed up for yourself.

I used to identify myself as a writer. I don’t know who that person is anymore.  I try to find her in the nooks in my desk, my stacks of workshopped short stories, and nothing.  I can’t help but wonder if she’s gone.  Tired of being neglected she peaced out.  I know she’ll come back if I promise to brush up my skills by devoting some time, scheduling her in a hour here and there.  But no, I forget and remember her during moments like this, when I sit and wonder what to do with my life.  I remember, “Melizza, two z’s for pizazz. Yes, I’m a writer.”  I remember her soft breath nuzzling my ear as she whispered me secrets, dreamed up worlds and created characters that I obligingly, feverishly wrote out on my wide-ruled paper.  She was good company.  She helped me write a novel.  Three hundred or so pages of teenage dribble but dribble I was proud of.

Sigh. I wonder how she has grown up and if one day she’ll whisper to me again.  I miss her.

This entry was published on 19/06/2008 at 10:13 AM. It’s filed under Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

One thought on “All grown up.

  1. Roberta on said:

    I think your muse will come back to you. I agree, you just need to get started. You’ve been so great at organizing and continuing to challenge yourself with your fitness goals. Why not look for a place to submit a short story. Pick a couple of places to submit your work, giving yourself a few months to a year and start working on a piece to submit, a golden work of literature. I think the process will churn up ideas for future work and going through the whole process will waken that part of you that you miss.

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